Forgiveness

We make mistakes and we hurt people. We feel guilty because we did not mean to hurt them. But people are unpredictable. Sometimes they hold grudges. Sometimes they forgive us without even asking. But the reason it still is important to apologize is so that we can put the guilt and the past behind us. Needless to say, apologizing is hard. Getting over your ego, to tell someone that you were wrong, take guts. And asking for forgiveness, for something that you're ashamed of, takes courage.
So we wait for a chance; the right moment. But the problem with the "right moment" is that its just a fancy word for time. And that doesn't change the fact that we're all a little coward. So just pick any moment you're with them, gather five seconds of blind, selfless bravery and tell them that you're really, truly, sincerely sorry.

It Was My Fault!

There are times when we anticipate the wrong end. Times, when we make bad decisions, mistakes. And when they turn out  wrong, we go into denial 'cause we are afraid of being wrong. We defend ourselves and in fear, make ourselves believe a totally different version of truth that fits into our "story of righteousness".We explain to everyone how it wasn't our fault, how we were right and honestly start believing every bit of it. But what we forget is that we don't have to explain ourselves to anyone, we don't have to let people judge and label us as a bad person for the mistakes we have made and we definitely do not have to be right all the time. What we forget is that it is perfectly okay to be wrong.

The Perfect Moment

It is often said that if you really believe that you want something, then give it your best and wait for it, because it will give you pure happiness. But waiting for the right moment and the right opportunity is just stupid, because we can't always get what we want, no matter how hard we try. And even if we do embrace the things we don't want, we're often so lost in the belief that only what we want will make us happy, that we miss out the happiness that comes from the things-we-didn't-want.
So move on and grab the opportunities that do come your way, because that "right moment" may never come and you'll miss out the ones that do. Our perfect moments can only be perfect with the things we have. Cherish them. Because sometimes, what you think you don't want can be the best thing for you.

In The City Laid In Yellow Bricks

In the city laid in yellow bricks,
The silver sand that seams it to the sea,
The sea, so blue and resting so lull,
The copper sunset that wraps the day,
The palms that line it up in green
And the people skinned in rich gold,
Paint me pictures of a thousand memories,
Memories of the moments that I have lived,
Flashes of the sorrows that I have buried
And of dreams, that I wish to breathe,
In the city that I call home,
In the city of chaos where I find peace,
In the city laid in yellow bricks,
Is where my heart belongs

Hero

It feels great rescuing people when they are in trouble. Even if, sometimes, it means taking the blame on yourself for what others did. But often, instead of becoming the hero, we become the bad-guy. Fingers are pointed at us and we are rebuked for things we did not do. Its hard, so we consider running away from it and telling the world that it wasn't us: that we were just covering up for them. But even though we want to, we don't because we feel that if we were to leave them like this now, why did we save their butts at all. So we stay quiet and bare it on our chests. Hell yes, it is difficult and it does suck being grilled for things you did not do. But sometimes, all it takes is a meaningful thank you, from the person you saved, to make taking all the criticism, feel worth it.

Endings...

Every story has got to have an ending. So we plan them ahead and then run them over and over a million times in our mind. We anticipate what’s going to happen, how people will react and what they’ll say. Then we decide what we'll say or how we’ll react. Maybe that we won’t get over excited and just smile instead or that we won’t cry and keep the people around us strong. But the thing about these plans is that they are just piece of imaginations. And we imagine them because, in our minds, we can make them as perfect as we want them to be. In real, however, these plans almost never work. Sometimes the timing is a mess; its all too quick and we can’t finish the line we practiced we'd say. Sometimes we anticipate the wrong reaction. And sometimes we don't even know ourselves. So we don't get our perfect endings and it sucks. But ultimately, we realize that the ending doesn't really matter. The rest of the story does.

Messy Times

There are times when we want to be alone, quite and just slow everything down 'cause everything is a mess. We walk quickly to avoid people from talking to us, look at our phones blankly and type randomly to make people think we are doing something really important because we cant show and tell everyone the way we are feeling. So we hide it. But there are people who get us. People who know how that something's up when we get lost in thoughts when other people are talking to us. People who can stare us in the eye and tell that we are faking a smile. So when they ask us to talk and tell them whats wrong, sometimes we burst out with anger. Because we are confused and scared and annoyed. We tell them that we are perfect, they should stop caring about us and mind their own business. And we tell them that all we want is to be alone.
But sometimes, in those times, one of these people sitting right beside us; poking us in the arm and asking us to tell whats wrong is exactly what we need.

No, I didn't get this chocolate for you. Its for me, Okay?

We need things, we want them. There are times we fight for them and there are times we don't. And even if we dont, we are all a little selfish. Sometimes because we don't want things for others that we do for ourselves. Sometimes we are selfish because we have to survive so we can't think about anyone else, because if we do, we'll just die. Sometimes, we keep things that we wouldnt if we were not afraid that other people might keep them and we are confused. And sometimes we are selfish because, for once, we want to be there for ourselves. And for all the times we've nodded with a smile on our face, when we are dying to shake our heads to a 'no', sometimes we deserve thinking about ourselves and saying no. Sometimes, we deserve being selfish.

Fear

We don't like being scared. And when someone asks us about our fears, we laugh and tell them we aren't scared of anything. Because we want them to know that we are brave. But we all are a little scared. Sometimes we are scared of what might happen in the future. Sometimes we are scared of the things we did in the past. And sometimes we are just scared of being scared. What we dont realize is that its okay to be scared. Being brave doesnt mean that we are not scared : It means that we are scared but we can face our fears. It means that we look it in the eye and be able to fight it. Being brave is looking down from a building for a acrophobic and stepping in water for a hydrophobic. So, fear isnt that bad at all. Sometimes fear is what we need: A little push that makes do things that we wouldn't do otherwise. And sometimes, fear can be awesome.

You've Changed

ABC: You've changed.
Me: What is it that has changed about me?
ABC: I think..umm *after a while* I don't know, you have just changed.
Me: Okaaay, so is it good or not?
ABC: Its sort of both.
Me: Right.
(An awkward silence ends the conversation)

Nobody wants to change who they are. We want to stay like we are, forever, because that is who we are. And then when someone comes up to us and says that "you've changed", we refuse and we try to show them that we are still the same.
But people come and go. They affect us and leave their marks all over us. Sometimes we get hit. We fall and we've to get back up on our feet. Sometimes we learn new things. They overwhelm the things we used to believe in. And we grow to become who we are now. We are so scared that we refuse and we try to tell everyone around us that we havent changed, just to make ourselves believe that. Because it hurts leaving things behind. And its hard adjusting our lives to what we have now. But we have to adapt to change and move on, because if dont, we will be left behind. And you know what? Change isnt that bad. And often -if you accept it- you'll find it to be one of the best thing that has ever happened to you in your life.

Letting Go

I remember the day very clearly. It was the junior-school-assembly day. The compere, singer and the quizzer for the day was yet to be choosen. I was roaming anxiously outside the teacher's office, waiting for her to call me and my classmate inside the office for the final audition. The teacher called our names and we entered the room. She asked us to sit in front of her and recite the script that she had asked us to learn. I was nervous. I recited what I remembered with a few mistakes. When I was finished, it was the girl's turn. I looked at her nervously and waited for her to recite the script. I wished for her to not be good but she recited the script with almost the same mistakes that I had made. As she finished, I looked up at the teacher for her to make the decision. She considered for a moment and then looked at me and said "I think you should do it".
Phew! What a relief!. The girl congratulated me with a smile on her face. Yes, it was a major relief and I was happy. I had got the parts I wanted and the glory was all mine.
But just a few days after this incident, I got to know exactly what she was feeling like when she congratulated me and the courage it had taken her to smile at me. It could feel it now. So I realized that sometimes, its good to give up on something you really want just to make others happy. Yes, it takes a lot of courage and maybe you'll miss the glory and the happiness for the time. But you'll probably end up earning an incredible friend. You'll feel happy and you wont regret giving it up because sometimes letting go of what or who you want for someone else IS the best thing todo.

Choices

In real, nobody wants to the most evil person like "Mojo Jojo" and "Him" from the powerpuffgirls. Nobody thinks they are wrong. The villains, thieves and other people who we are made to believe are evil, aren't. Sure, the deed we do might be wrong but we think we are just being fair and reasonable. Our motives and intentions are pure. Even Voldemort has (technically had, he is dead haha) his true-blood mania which is why he kills people. But the thing is, we ARE wrong. We might think we are doing the right thing but we are NOT. So the problem is here and its that we have given up thinking. We CAN distinguish between the right and the wrong and we DO have choices. And yes, sometimes the right choice is hard and far-away, but we do have it and its OUR choice to choose the easy way. And so in the end its all on each and everyone of us: on what WE think and what WE choose.

Reason To Smile

Its around 3 AM on the clock and I am on my way to the airport. I am on the backseat with another person and alot of luggage. I am sleepy and tired. I hear the person sitting next to me call my name. I turn my head  to look at the person. The person says "thank you for it. I loved it" and hugs me. I am not tired or sleepy anymore. I am smiling now. I nod and tell the person that it was no problem. I feel happy now. I feel sort of proud.
The day before, I threw the person a surprise birthday party. It was a success, the person got surprised and everything was perfect. I had worked hard all day to get the whole thing right. Five minutes before the surprise was supposed to take place, I was so disappointed. I thought it was ruined. But it wasn't and everything turned out to be fine in the end. The next day, the person had to catch a flight and leave the country.

And so, at 3 AM, I am in the car to see off the person. I was tired but I feel glad now and the tiredness feels worth it. And it makes me think that sometimes making someone else happy makes you even happier than them. And all the problem you went in, for them, feels valued. Once in a while you should stop thinking about what you want and what makes you happy and try to find out what others want and what makes them happy. And sometimes, that alone can give you the joy you never thought of.

You Deserve It

I close my eyes and block out all the voices around me until they are nothing more than vague whispers and I ask God for what I want. "Please please please" I say silently and I wait for the miracle to happen. And when it does, it gives you happiness that is indefinable.
But once in a while you dont get what you want. And once in a while "the" thing is something you really really want. And thats when you get disappointed. Maybe you can hide it with your usual laugh, but its there and you ask God "why?".
You know, in your heart, the answer to the "why". You know you can't expect miracles to always be miracles. And you know that sometimes you've got to just accept what you deserve even if it might be the last thing you want. And sometimes you just have to be thankful for all the things that you DID get instead of crying over the things you didnt.

Its Twelve

Its strange how I longed for growing up. I would wait impatiently and count the minutes for the clock to strike twelve. The twelve of my birthday. My wait would end to start an amazing day when I would have a perfect day at school, when I would get home to get kisses and hugs from my family and finally a perfect cake to cut with my perfect family around me, clapping and singing. And I couldn't wait for another amazing year.

But year by year the definition of amazing just wasn't the same as it was the year before. Yes, there were more people wishing me a happy birthday but I think it was like something that you HAD to do just because Facebook said it was my birthday. And people who hadnt talked to me in ages would wish me. It had no meaning. The expectations that I had been led into having from all the amazing years now led to disappointments. And the growing-up that I had been longing for now made me wish I was a kid again so I could feel special atleast on the day that was supposed to be mine. And then finally the twelve was start of just another day. Tic. tic. tic.